Whatever you do - always keep the kids safe!

There is not a single section of this site that I have taken more seriously, or spent more research time and effort on.  You see, I believe that as soon as you bring children into the world, your own personal needs must become somewhat secondary to the needs of your children.  And let's face it, you are an adult, you can understand the changes that are coming about as a result of the divorce.  Your children are not so lucky.

The information I'm putting together here is primarily aimed at parents who have younger children but I think it's also important to give these issues a lot of consideration even if your kids are teenagers or older when the divorce happens. 

Let's establish a few important things to remember as we get started here:

• Children go through a divorce just as much as you do.  They may not have the same feelings that you do, but make no mistake, their feelings may be just as intense and just as scary as yours are.
• Divorce happens to kids, they don't get to choose it.  Imagine the frustration and anger that they may experience when they are informed that Mommy and Daddy aren't going to be living together anymore.
• Children love BOTH of their parents.  The relationship that has broken down is the one between you and your spouse.  There is typically no reason for the relationship that your kids have with both parents to suffer as a result of the divorce.
• Kids are amazingly resilient.  You will probably be amazed at how adaptable your children are.  If you handle the new situation with care and understanding, and spend some time really considering their needs, your kids will most likely adapt to the new situation a lot faster than you will. 

I've broken this section up into some of what I think are the most important things you need to consider as this time of upheaval progresses.  Each section will focus on one particular aspect of child rearing during and after a divorce.  I've tried to keep each section brief while still presenting the idea adequately.  You can go to any section directly, but I also recommend that you take a little time to read each on, even if it doesn't seem like an issue that is particularly relevant to your situation.

Some of what you're going to hear in this section I suspect you already know, but you may have not considered it lately as you've been going through your own pain.  Believe me, I understand exactly how difficult it can be to "step outside yourself" during a divorce, to focus your thoughts on what's best for your kids without letting the pain and anger towards your spouse cloud your judgment, but that is exactly what you must do.  So, let's get started.  Again, each section here is a little portion of the overall tapestry of child rearing through and after a divorce. 

• When Divorce First Hits - What your kids need to know, and what they DON'T need to know.
• Living Arrangements - Taking care to make sure the kids have homes, not just a roof over their heads.
• Shared Parenting - Is it really necessary to make one parent a "visitor" in their childs' life?
• Managing Conflict - Make sure you don't let the kids become pawns in your adult battles.
• Child Support and Visitation - Are we making Daddy pay to spend time with his kids?
• Moving On - Introducing your children to new significant people in your life.    

Additional Recommended Reading

As I was researching the various web based resources that pertain to protecting children through a divorce, I happened across one site in particular that has some of the best advice I've found yet on this subject.  Dr. Reena Sommer has been working with divorcing families for over 20 years, and during that time she has developed some very solid tools for helping guide you through a divorce that will involve children.  Two of these tools that I think are extremely relevant are "Children's Adjustment to Divorce" and her "Developing an Effective Parenting Plan e-Course".