In my opinion, there is one constant regarding the thorny issue of custody of the children in nearly every divorce, and that one constant is that there is no single answer that works for every family. The days should be long past, both in the courts and in the minds of parents, where there is an assumption that the Mother is the primary care-giver and the Father is to be the primary financial contributor. I don’t think kids are best served by dividing up the difficult job of parenting through divorce by making it this cut and dried.
We say we want our Daughters to grow up with equal opportunities to excel and prosper in life, but at the first sign of Divorce many of us quickly revert back to the “traditional” roles that were the standard back in the 1950’s. We strive to raise our Sons to be involved, caring Fathers, but the role they see defined by divorce is one where the Father simply writes the checks and comes to visit every other weekend.
I challenge you to take a different look at parenting if your marriage is breaking up. Don’t follow the tired old path of least resistance, the Kids live mostly with Mom and Dad pays the child support and only gets the kids on every other weekend. That’s not shared parenting, that’s lazy, self-centered attitudes towards your ex-spouse that is overflowing onto the kids.
Both Parents shared in the job of bringing kids into the world, and I believe both parents have a right and an obligation to continue to provide ongoing support and nurturing of the kids, through the divorce and beyond. Sure, there’s no problem with financial support, if it is relevant and realistic, but I don’t think it should be an “assumed” part of the deal. I have no problem with the kids spending most of their time in one house or the other, but which house and how much of the time again should be a decision made based solely on what works best for the kids.
Now of course, I understand that some situations are unique, there may be abuse involved or other extenuating circumstances, and those each require their own solutions, but I’m talking about the vast majority of the divorces going on today where Mom and Dad simply figured out that they can’t live with each other. Divorce in that instance is between Mom and Dad only, and the Kids have a right to have two parents fully involved in their lives, for the rest of their lives.
Before you work with a good lawyer, read tips on the divorce process to benefit you, your spouse, and your children.
“Work together to always get what you both need; or recognize your incompatability and move ahead honestly with good communication.” – from “Clarity Uncovered” at http://champagnedivorce.com/stories/collaboration/ Share your true divorce story here too
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